Woman Goes Viral for Sharing 'Hard but Necessary' Relationship Theory

Woman Goes Viral for Sharing ‘Hard but Necessary’ Relationship Theory

Learn about the viral “let them theory,” a fresh approach to relationships that focuses on letting go of control and embracing emotional detachment for better self-worth.


A TikToker’s advice on emotional detachment in relationships has struck a chord, with her “let them theory” gaining viral attention for its life-changing approach to dating. 

The popular TikToker, Abe Froman, shared this concept in a video that has amassed 4.6 million views, emphasizing that emotional detachment from love interests is “hard but necessary.”

The theory advocates letting people behave as they choose while relinquishing personal emotional attachment to their actions.

Dating coach and author Sabrina Alexis Bendory traced the origin of the theory to author Mel Robbins, who shared the “let them practice” on her podcast in May 2023. 

It encourages individuals to allow people to act as they wish without seeing their behavior as a reflection of themselves.


Froman emphasizes that people will default to their own needs and behavior patterns. 

She argues that the only way to maintain peace in relationships is to acknowledge that one cannot control how others treat them. 

Instead, it is about freeing oneself from overthinking and attaching self-worth to others’ actions.

She adds, “The sooner you can understand that, the sooner you will enjoy relationships.”

Sabrina Alexis Bendory agrees, emphasizing that many of us interpret other people’s behavior as reflecting something about us. 

For instance, if someone is ghosted, they might see it as a sign that they are unworthy. 

However, detaching from this emotional narrative allows individuals to take full responsibility for things within their control. 


“If you attach your sense of worth to outcomes, you will live life at the mercy of other people. If you let them do what they want and only take responsibility for yourself, you will grow,” she advises.

However, dating coach and podcaster Sabrina Zohar challenges this notion, expressing skepticism toward categorizing “letting them” as a theory. 

She believes it is more about understanding human behavior and psychology than giving it a theoretical name. 

Zohar argues that people should manage their anxieties and see others for how they treat them, not through a lens of idealization.

“Let people show up as they are, so you can also show up as you are,” she explains, suggesting that this approach helps individuals decide whether they truly want the same things as their partner. 


Instead of becoming overwhelmed by emotional attachment, people should recognize the reality of their partner and manage anxiety to see relationships authentically.

Ultimately, the “let them theory” reminds us to prioritize self-worth while balancing emotional detachment in relationships. 

Whether one aligns more with Bendory’s or Zohar’s perspective, the conversation highlights the importance of maintaining a healthy emotional boundary in dating.

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